To be myself

It is so amazing to be with myself. I am not affected by others opinion. I do not compare myself with others. I can do whatever I want do without being affected by what others are doing or what do they think about it. My lethargy, my exhaustion goes away. I am cruising through my work. It is really independence.

Silence and noise

Silence and noise are opposite to each other. But both are a part of life. I felt confused how can one be calm while you in midst of noise. I thought that only silence can bring me calmness. It never happened so. Thus I was in a search for something which can have silence and contain nose as well. Today I felt that if I am still inside and focused inside then I can contain both noise and silence. But this was a feeling not an analysis. Being still from inside doesn’t means being always slow and silent in your behavior.

GOONJ

Goonj uses cloth as a tool for promoting self action. Their aim is to get the work done by the people. They believe that cursing the governance for the poor state of amenities is unjustified unless people have done their part. The problem doesn’t lies in the fact that people are not willing to work. They actually can’t think of being able to do works which are to be done by the authorities. Actually I also thought that how come the villagers could build bridges on the local river. But it has been made possible by the people of many villages in Bihar under “Cloth for Work” programme. Thus they make the people realize that they can actually do the work which has been stranded for years within few weeks. All they need is a collective effort. As people do their part the governance takes heed to complete the work.

And the simple fact that I have built my garden makes me feel attached to it. Thus with my best of efforts I would like the garden to flourish. Same applies to all such projects. Their maintenance is excellent because it belongs to the people.

So it is using the unused resources of the urban areas as a tool to make the needy people realize that they have the potential to do any kind of work by themselves.

The first surgery I assisted

It is a nice revelation that our hostel has so many varieties of birds. By the way the egg in my balcony is in the process of hatching as his mother is continuously giving warmth to it. Now coming to humans from the birds. Today is a different day for me, as would be for any mbbs student when he gets chance to assist a surgery for the first time. Today we were scheduled to attend the general surgery OT. We were just 3 of us (by final year most of us have got over the OT fever). I went to the OT today after a long gap(my family holidays). It sensed good. We took our OT dresses. It was a little bit of hassle fasting the nada, otherwise I dressed up comfortably. On the gates I met "The Amazingly enthusiastic Nakra sir". He has a different, energetic style of doing things. When I was in second professional, I used to think what kind of person he is. He used to almost shout in the OT, which he actually does now also. He wanders almost all across the OT complex and the ICU in no time. He used to rag us as well. But over the time as I have to come to know him as I a teacher  and as a person, i like him. His energy and zeal is so contagious. That is what keeps him going.
But, I am sorry I digressed slightly. So It was the last operation we thought we would witness. We desperately wanted to see a hernia surgery, but fate had other plans. We went to OT 3 just to see what is happening. Patient was already anaesthetised, and Chandreshekhar sir was preparing for the surgery. As we asked sir what procedure is going to be done, he replied softly "Hydrocele"(as an undergrad it is an important case). But what took us by surprise was the accompanying remark "come one of you can wash and assist". For a second we saw each other in awe. It is not normal for us to be given such invitations. Indeed the surgeons are so engrossed while doing their surgeries, many a times they might as well forget that we are standing behind them (except some). I moved towards the cleaning basin to wash. I actually practiced how to wash hands before an operation last year. Their are six steps to it. As soon as I cleaned, I was confused on the further proceeding. Then one the OT assistants came to my rescue. He told me to wipe my hand with the cotton swab placed on the trolley beside me, wear one of the many sterile front coats kept on the trolley. He had already put the Hand gloves which I wore. Now was the time to assist. My job basically was to hold the testis in correct position, to keep mopping the blood and hold the artery forceps when required. During the whole procedure I noticed the calmness with which Chandrashekar sir carried out the job. He kept on informing us about the anatomy and the procedure. During the operation I had very mixed feeling of elation, surprise and little bit of exhaustion. I really admired the stamina of the surgeons. At the end I just followed sir in undressing. At last I just thanked sir for this opportunity. As I was going out of the OT there was a different smile on my face.

The Bird in my balcony

We have a lot of pigeons in our hostel. It is actually a bird santuaury  of pigeons. It is nice to see them on the hostel roof. Sometimes they seem to form a boundary on the roofs. The most blissful of the things is to see their nests in our balconies. Actually we have two balconies, one associated with the room and one with the toilets. Usually the balcony beside the toilet remains deserted. One of my friends Popat used to spread bajra in his bathroom balcony. A lot of pigeons used to come to have their meals. They built a nest and laid eggs as well. There were two cute baby pigeions born. In continuation of my friend I started spreading bajra in my bathroom balcony. I also kept apot of water for the pigeons. Because I expected them to make nests, I kept a beautiful wooden basket. I thought it will be used, but it remained vacant for quite a long time. But today As I oped the Balcony door, two pigeons flew away very fast. To my surprise I saw a beutiful nest in the basket and an egg was lying in it. The colour of the nest and the basket matched so much that it seemed as if the basket has been made for this purpose only. While I refilled the water pot, the pigeons parents waited on the roof of the opposite building. I finished my work and closed the door to give them some family time.

I feel sad

I don't know how to feel after an event like Bombay blasts or the train mishaps. I feel sad. My heart is sinking. Why so many innocent people are being killed. What is the satisfaction in killing people. My mind then tries to find answers to these questions in spirituality. I can't derive any satisfactory answers. But what is our duty has always been the gray area. Shall we be more vigilant? Shall the authorities be more vigilant? Shall we not put more pressure on the authorities to strengthen the intelligence systems? Shall we not ask for stringent punishment for those who have been found culprit?

Love

life is such a mystery, that it is amazing to unravel it. Love was something which always baffled me. I used to think love is such a great thing without any boundaries, then how come you can love only your family and not your neighbour. How come you cry only for your family and not for someone else. Few days back I was reading "community and psychology", they were discussing about basic needs of man. Love was one of them. But they defined love a sense of attachment. Then I thought the love we share with our family is our basic need, and that is a sense of attachment. So in a family every member is satisfying other member's need of attachment.
But then where is the love which I defined earlier. That is actually the spiritual definition of love. That love is god. God doesn't have any boundaries. it is not less or more. It is always a source of immense happiness.
The problem with love(attachment) is that it makes us obsessed. We think that we cannot live without our near and dear ones. While this is just a false belief, and is proven in every sphere of life. Family doesn't want their children to go away for work, once they are gone things are fine.
This proves that we as human beings and independent loving creatures, but we have basic need of attachment which is fulfilled by the people around us. Our family our friends.
But then why should a person be attach to his parents when he has spouse to get attached with. Now comes the morality of action. Our parents are our gods, who make us what we are today. They might not be great people, but for their children they do whatever they can.
But as we grow we fall into love with someone. But by definition this love is just an attachment, as is with your parents. The difference being the time and the amount of work which your parents did for you. But this young love seems to be very passionate. But actually this is nothing more than an attachment(which is a basic need).
But hen why should we choose the attachment of parents over the attachment of our young love. It is just because it is our moral duty. And because we can easily do it.